Burnout and the Road to Recovery
Nonprofit executive director experiences severe burnout six years into the job, and shares about the road back to health.
Burnout
I opened my email and could see the words, but couldn’t make sense of what they meant or how to respond. I was used to managing a seemingly endless deluge of email, calls, meetings, and program activities, but I couldn’t make sense of this email. My brain didn’t seem to be working. Everything was foggy. I was beyond exhausted and getting a good night’s sleep didn’t seem to help. I was burned out and I didn’t know what to do.
It was my sixth year running the organization, and I was coming off of a particularly intense summer. Summer was always intense – we ran a residential summer program for kids far from our home base of DC. The season went well overall. However, there was a weeklong period where crisis after crisis came through like tidal waves.
I did what I needed to do as Executive Director to provide leadership and support during this challenging time. It took everything in me. I was working around the clock and was running on fumes. When the season finally ended, I knew I needed time off to rest and recover before transitioning back to DC.
Initial Recovery Attempts
I went to Hawaii to rest and recover. Here I could move slowly and feel the energy of the island as I rested. I ate nourishing food, swam, and soaked up my time in nature.
After 10 days, a reasonable amount of recovery time I figured, I returned home and I knew I wasn’t ok. This full body fatigue was more than my usual post-summer exhaustion. My brain still wasn’t turning on. Going for a slow walk around the block was about as much activity as I could handle.
I made an appointment with my doctor for support and to hopefully rule out any medical concerns. My doctor ran through a long list possible causes – everything from thyroid concerns and iron deficiency to chronic fatigue. After reviewing my blood test results, my doctor said I was healthy and it was likely just stress. I received no additional guidance on how to get better and I left feeling very much on my own.
Meanwhile, I still couldn’t function at a basic level let alone anywhere near the high level that I was used to. I took another week off to rest and recover. I responded when urgent items came up, but the time and effort it took was monumental compared to before. And mostly, I rested and tried to heal. I practiced restorative yoga, walked slowly in nature, meditated, and rested some more.
Road to Recovery: Rest and Key Changes
After some rest, I turned to research to learn more about burnout and recovery. I read books, took self-diagnostic quizzes, and researched paths to recovery. I learned about how depleted the body is when it gets to this state, and steps to support my recovery.
At this point, I was desperate to feel like even a fraction of my former self and I did something I never thought I would. I quit coffee. Beyond the taste, I loved the boost and happy rush that it gave me. I always felt like I could do what I needed to with my full mug. More recently though, those first few cups didn’t energize me, and I found myself making additional pots throughout the day.
In reading about the impact of large quantities of caffeine on people experiencing high stress, I realized that I was overtaxing my body. Given this, I made the decision to quit. I figured I had the rest of the week to ride out the pounding withdrawal headaches I knew would be coming. It turns out I was so burned out that the withdrawal process didn’t feel much worse than how I already felt.
In my continued recovery quest, I updated my diet. I prioritized lots of fresh organic vegetables every day, minimized alcohol, and cut out as much processed food as I could. I started taking several supplements including Ashwagandha, and I continued to prioritize rest.
Saying no more became critical, and I significantly reduced my post-work activities, both personal and professional. If I didn’t go home to cook a healthy meal and get to bed early, I wouldn’t have the energy to make it through the next day, let alone the rest of the week.
The Journey Continues
The changes started making a difference and I slowly felt the full body exhaustion and heavy brain fog lift. Thankfully, I was able to return to my work and life activities, albeit with reduced energy compared to pre-burnout.
I did what I could to protect my health and practiced stronger boundaries. I kept my healthy habits, and quit all caffeinated beverages. Even with this, my burnout didn’t fully lift until two years later when I took a three month sabbatical. With time for deep rest and recovery, I felt myself become more fully alive again. And once my health and vitality returned, I did everything I could to keep it.
Now, post burnout, I know that I need to be incredibly intentional with what and how much I commit to. I need to say no more so I can say yes to the things that really matter. I know that I need to prioritize my own vitality in order to be the kind of leader that I want to be. And to live the kind of life that I want.
My burnout recovery journey has changed me, and has shaped my key decisions. I’m committed to this journey and to living a healthy, full, and abundant life. While I wouldn’t have wished for any of this, it has opened up a beautiful new way of living. I now feel in greater alignment with my actions and how I live my life, and for that I am incredibly grateful.
Are you on the path to burnout, or wanting to recover from burnout? Reach out and we can explore how coaching may be supportive during this time.
